Five behaviours that can end your relationships

As many of us know, building a relationship takes time and energy and often requires a level of compromise that some are simply unwilling to make. "Old habits die hard", as they say. This is particularly true when habits carry through or manifest during intimate or close relationships.

If you've ever found yourself deep in thought, wondering if you haven't been an excellent partner to your significant other. Or even if you're not in a relationship and hold yourself back because you believe you won't be enough for them, these are the sort of behaviours you should think about working on. Remember that being aware of your behaviour is the first step to keeping your relationships healthy.

Poor reactions to simple criticism

We spend most of our time alone with our partners, and because of this, it's only natural that we start picking up on their quirks and habits. Sometimes we may need to offer a few critiques to the people we spend that time with. Comments or criticisms need not even be of a serious matter because the fact is, we cannot always expect ourselves to like everything about a person all the time.

The way you approach these criticisms is key to a healthy relationship. Impulsive reactions could damage your relationship. It demonstrates an unwillingness to be open about your shortcomings and breaks down communication. Try to think about why your partner brought it up. Treat it as something important to them and try to find a solution together.

Reacting to Criticism

Not respecting your partner's privacy.

Even though you may be a couple and spend most of your time together, remember, we are all still individuals. And as an individual, you still need some quiet time to enjoy the things and activities that enhance your life. 

Problems arise when you attempt to overstep these boundaries. It could be intrusive behaviours such as demanding to see all their text messages, not allowing them to see their friends or family and insisting that you go with them everywhere.

These tendencies will make your partner or friends feel suffocated. If you think you exhibit these behaviours, you may need to do some soul searching. Common causes include feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, and attachment issues. It's best to work these out with a professional to improve your relationships.

How to establish healthy boundaries

Bringing yourself down

Unless the context calls for self-deprecating humour, being a wet rag all the time can put a heavy strain on your relationships and cause your friends and partners to suffer from burnout. Personal insecurities are only natural feelings, even if you have a loving partner by your side.

But if you don't control these emotions and consistently bring yourself down in front of your partner, you could unintentionally push them away. They may become frustrated that they can't help you with your self-image. These insecurities may also force you to overanalyse things your partner says or remain in constant need of their reassurance. In doing so, draining energy from you both and ultimately damage your relationships. 

If you feel your partner's efforts aren't enough to combat these emotions, then seeking therapy and professional help is the first step to improving your self-image. They will support you more when they see you trying to resolve your poor self-image.

How to stop bringing yourself down!

Forcing Ultimatums 

Sometimes it's understandable that giving people ultimatums may be the only option you may have left, especially if you're trying to help someone fix harmful behavioural patterns. However, it's best to opt for compromise and conversation over forcing their hand with an ultimatum when it comes to mundane problems or personal insecurities.

Giving people ultimatums may come across as manipulative and controlling. Essentially, you're just trying to get them to do what you want. An example of this could be telling them that if they don't stop seeing that friend you don't like, you'll break up with them.

There are few things worse for a person than being pushed into a corner and forced to choose between two people they care about. Since you've put them in this position, your partner may start to feel resentment towards you. They may become insecure in their relationship with you, and ultimately, the trust begins to break.

How to resolve unfair ultimatums

The silent treatment

It's common for people to feel the need to get some space from their partners after an argument. Spending some time on your own to clear your head and resolve the issue afterwards is essential. 

The silent treatment is different because while you're doing it, you actively refuse to approach the problem. Giving your partner the silent treatment may appear like you're avoiding responsibility.

Those on the receiving end of the silent treatment are left with no way to find a compromise. They may start to feel angry, unwanted, and even unimportant. Eventually, their feelings for you may disappear entirely, ending the relationship and leaving you with your pent-up resentment.

Read more about The Silent Treatment.

Common ground communication

Building trust in your relationship requires three key avenues to function.
 

• Connection
   

Intimacy and alignment between two people go beyond physical attraction, having fun together, and having surface-level conversations. As opposed to a superficial connection, it feels like you're connecting on a deep level of soul connection-and you feel at ease in doing so.
 

• Communication 
   

The essence of communication in relationships is to connect and fulfil your partner's needs verbally and physically. It's not about making small talk. You need to understand your partner's viewpoint, offer support, and let them know you are their biggest fan.
 

• Common ground
   

There is common ground when two or more people agree on a topic, opinion, or interest. Common ground or compromise can help two people come to an agreement, even when they disagree on something.

Counselling and guidance

Did you recognise these behaviours? If so, don't be alarmed if you are self-aware enough to understand how you could be harming others. Nobody is perfect, and no one can expect you to be perfect.

Seek guidance by speaking to someone you can trust, or if the situation calls for a more professional outlook, couple counselling may help to resolve some of your relationship struggles. 

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